So I make an average of 16,000 dollars a year. In other words… Nothing. Or in other words the most money ever. Meaning that I have never had more than 2,000 dollars at one time. Ever. No, really. Ever. I am poor.
The majority of my life I got whatever I wanted.
Honestly, I never asked for much. Mostly because I never thought that I deserved it. Even though we could afford it, I always felt guilty. Even when my mom bought me Nickelodeon GAK that one time. I felt like a bitch. Even though I was only 8 or something. I still felt like I didn’t deserve GAK. Ya know?
And now…
Now I feel worthless.
Everything that I used to have.
My gorgeous voice that I worked so hard for…
Has been ruined by alcohol and cigarettes.
My life is nothing without singing.
So what can I do but die ya know?
That’s all I feel like doing…
Oh Sara…
I know how you feel about the money thing – the most I’ve ever had at any one time was 1,600 and I had to use 1,200 of that to pay off a loan (from a friend – the worst kind of loans).
I’m broke as hell. The only thing is that, unlike you, I haven’t made the brave moving-out step yet. It’s on the cards for this year, but so far, nada. So I sit my broke ass at home and I eat my parents’ food and I thank God that for now at least I don’t have to pay for my basics.
If your voice is any good at all get it back. You can do it. I would kill to be able to sing even 1.5% in tune but I can’t. You sound like you really had something. Maybe now that you’re slowing down on the booze, you could start doing a little singing each day? Try get it back bit by bit? It would be slow but it would be worth it. You sound as if you’re missing part of your soul.
So yeah, you have no money. And your voice has gone AWOL for now. But you have Rachel, and Drew, and me (very far away but still able to give some words of encouragement/support/empathy/whatever-is-needed.
Don’t forget that!!
Love. xx
i love you. the end.
I used to be a really good singer. I no longer am. I know how much that sucks. I know how long it takes to regain something like that. But it can be done. Get your joy back even if it’s on a smaller scale. It will help. Hugs.
Just for the record, you still have a gorgeous voice. Don’t try to deny it. I listened to it in the video blog. With a little trainning, I’m sure you could have one of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever had. You’re a natural.
And we love you!
If you want, I can send you like, a $5 spot or something.
thanks for the offer lol I think illvbe ok hopefully
Money is such a bitch. I have a love/ hate relationship with it. You don’t deserve to die. I think you should still continue to work on your voice. I’m sure there are professionals out there that smoke and drink and still have successful careers. Hang in there hon. I know you wrote this a while ago and I’m a total loser, but I still wanted to say hi and send you some cheer through the interwebs.